i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize
