yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
