She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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