it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
