just come out here and I will go home with you...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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