So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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