I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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