She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
