id be glad to
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
