i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
