Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
