I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
