I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
