Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
