I don't usually arrange sex via text message
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
