I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
