They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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