Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
