Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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