I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
