One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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