he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
