did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
