Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
