fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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