just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
BRING THE BAGELS
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
