He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
