i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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