I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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