i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
