We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
