when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
