We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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