I faked an abortion last night.
if only i could text you this smell
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
pray to the hookup gods
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
