I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
