my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
