Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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