cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I could fuck to npr.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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