I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
