The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
