LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
