i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
