I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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