do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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