I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
