this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
