okay pat passed out under dana's car
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
