ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
