Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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