And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
