you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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